And you thought your writing was bad…

 It’s not often that I get e-mail worth passing on to all of you….

Subject: Literary leanings….
Date: January 28, 2010 5:39:53 PM PST
Good enough for a second read…..

For all lovers of good writing, here are this year’s winners of the 
Bulwer-Lytton contest, (aka “It Was a dark and Stormy Night” Contest) run by 
the English Department of San Jose State University, wherein one writes only 
the first line of a bad novel.

10.  As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind 
in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it.

9.  Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens.

8.  With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned 
unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue 
eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for 
competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied 

7.  Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept 
along the East wall: “Andre creep… Andre creep…Andre creep.”

6.  Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was 
about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become 
the woman he loved.

5.  Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from 
eking out a living at a local pet store.

4.  Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins 
often do.

3.  Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the 
corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor.

2.  Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn’t know the meaning 
of the word “fear;” a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in 
the eye of death — in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies.


1.  The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the 
greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, 
revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in 
frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, 
disbelieving the magnitude of the frog’s deception, screaming madly, “You 



~ by loretta8 on February 17, 2010.

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