Things I’ve Learned From Watching Horror Movies

1.  If you hear a strange noise you can’t identify, don’t go looking for it calling out “Who’s there?”.  You really don’t want to know.

2.  When the phone rings, let it go to voicemail.  “Are you alone in the housssse?” really loses its thunder on the machine.

3.  Remember that when someone knocks on the door, you are not required to open it.  Feel free to apply that to real life.

4. When visiting a haunted house, avoid the bathroom.  Nothing good ever happens in there.

5.  If you were dumb enough to do the first four things, don’t run upstairs expecting to escape unless you’re willing to break a window and both your legs.

6.  If you ran upstairs anyway, don’t go looking for your attacker or crawl across the floor backwards screaming until you’re cornered.  Find something heavy to swing and wait behind a door for him/her/it to come to you.

7.  Don’t hit him/her/it once and then stand there gawking.  Whatever it is will not be dead and will eventually grab you.

8.  When traveling to a foreign country, skip the hostel and cough up the extra bucks for the five-star hotel.  You’re more likely to wake up in the morning unshackled and with both your kidneys. 

9.  If you get lost or break down in the French countryside, never go to the distant farmhouse with the light on for help or you’ll end up having to deal with at least one of those other things I just mentioned.

10.  Camping with your friends is always a bad idea.  There will be hillbillies and bear traps everywhere.  The upside is that the most obnoxious member of your party will be the first victim.

11.  Never tell your friends the zombie bit you. 

12.  Don’t mess with Japanese ghosts.  They will kill you.

13.  The woods in Korea are full of people burying bodies, especially during rainstorms.


~ by loretta8 on April 27, 2011.

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