Adventures in Waiting Rooms

I am a patient advocate.  I don’t know how that happened, but at some point I crawled into bed as a party animal and rolled out as a responsible adult. Clearly lapses in judgement occurred and a mistake was made, but no matter how I protest, nobody listens. And so I’m hanging out in waiting rooms.

Mostly nothing happens in the waiting room.  My butt goes to sleep in the uncomfortable chair I’m sitting in.  My brain goes to sleep in the uncomfortable material I’m reading and I’m usually freezing by the time the nurse comes to say I can take my charge home. Then there are my efforts to avoid saying and doing all the inappropriate things that come to mind, simply because I know I shouldn’t do or say them. Like tearing the recipes out of the magazines, balling them up and throwing them at the snoring guy giving himself whiplash as he clutches his car keys in one hand and his cell in the other. 

Some people don’t carry that burden of impulse control.

Last week a tiny Hobbit in a wheel chair suddenly barfed explosively all over the Travertine tile in an expensive looking waiting room with leather chairs with nail head trim, a flat screen TV and Berber carpets. In the ER, yeah I get that, not a surprise, but there? I didn’t see that coming.  I won’t be fooled again.

On Tuesday, there was the fart and run guy in the radiology department who stayed just long enough to ask a question of the nurse on the other side of the sliding glass window and cut a silent deadly one.  I know it was him, because it wasn’t me.  I always wondered what the deal was with the window, why they keep it closed unless they absolutely can’t avoid speaking to you.  Now I know.

And there’s something else I never had to deal with before.  I’m starting to feel like a second class citizen reading a novel that doesn’t require recharging. Today everyone seemed to have a burning desire to know what it’s called and what it’s about. What they really want to know is if I can’t afford a Kindle.  I’ve decided I’ll never have a Kindle.

If you have any questions, I’ll be in the waiting room.

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~ by loretta8 on April 18, 2012.

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